Satoshikun
by Rat2rrj
Summary: Ash versus... himself? My attempt at mental isshues and/or Ash maturity.   Rated T for angst and sexuality confusion. Not really shipping... yet.


My pre-informatory piece, written on 8/17/11, before my crash-course of sexuality and writing style thanks to Tumblr and my English teacher.

Thank Lady Gaga's "Alejandro" and the killer remixers of Youtube, in addition to Best Wishes, for this fan fiction.

What if Ashley badgered Ash in his mind? What if he envied Iris and Cilan for how comfortable they seemed in their own skins? Is it schizophrenia? Or sexuality disputes? I'm not really sure myself…

Satoshi-kun.

Ash slunk down the path in front of his Unova friends, hands firmly grasping the insides of his pockets and head down. Pikachu nudged him, worrying, but the trainer shrugged off the motion. Ashley was bothering him again, insisting he get a dress ASAP. Before, she was an occasional occurrence, a thing he did to help himself or his friends, but over time, her "personality" emerged and began to bother him at the back of his mind. Usually, he would be himself, a hasty, fun-loving BOY trainer, but her constant insisting brought angry, bitchy flashes to his overall mood. He couldn't even look at Cilan or Iris during these rage-colored moments, pushing away their attempts to soothe him and his ruffled sense of self. He would push back his friends to be alone, and even Pikachu would, for brief instances, be a nuisance between him and his smirking alter-persona. Ash was unsure if even his "little buddy" would grasp the concept of someone else inside him trying to force a way out. He didn't wish to bother his new friends with such problems, for he had a "reputation" to uphold in Unova: he was a Pokemon-Master-to-be, and that could very well be jeopardized with the insistent demand to be feminine when he clearly was not. He felt vaguely thankful for Iris and her ways, that not all girls were obsessed over shopping and girly things like his alter ego had become. Thought Cilan would do some rather, in Ash's opinion, weird things on occasion, at least HE was comfortable with himself. HE could do such things without feeling awkward and pushed to the sidelines of his own mind. Ash was vaguely worried that her forcings would escalate to the point where she would speak to him in his mind, and he knew THAT would send him off of the edge. Twin calls of "Ash! Ash!" reached his ears in a lull between his thoughts. The memory of his last snapping resurfaced, and his sudden shame stung. Neither of his friends deserved such treatment, both had been decent friends since he had met them. The two reached him quickly, as he had slowed down as they ran, and Iris characteristically had to give him a piece of her mind.

"Seriously, Ash! Stop acting like such a kid! We were only asking you what was the matter! There was no need to yell at us and run off! Sheesh!" ash knew she was right, but anger still bubbled in his chest, itching to spill out.

"And since when were you the Maturity Police, Iris?"

"I KNOW I'm more mature than you, especially today!" the girl countered. "You wanna bet?" the hatted trainer growled in response.

"Now you two, that's enough," the green-haired male interjected, glancing between the two and moving his hands between them. "Such behavior clashes with the overall calm and collected flavor of traveling companions. Now, I assume there has been some kind of misunderstanding today, right? Ash, would you like to elaborate?" the hailer from Kanto turned away, sighing through his nose.

"No." Behind him, three pairs of eyes widened in surprise, as Axew emerged from his nest. The two humans glanced at each other and Cilan stepped forward, placing a hand intended to comfort on Ash's shoulder.

"...Is something wrong? Something you didn't tell us previously?" Ash stiffened under the hand as cold dread overwhelmed him, filling every cavity of his body. Pikachu noticed the sudden raw emotion emanate from his closest companion, choosing that moment to glare at the pale digits resting on Ash's jacket. The boy silently begged every legendary he knew of that neither would ask him something of such a variety. It seemed embarrassing enough that Pikachu had a vague idea...

"I don't want to talk about it..." he admitted after a tense moment, shrugging off his friend. He didn't want to have anything more to do with this, so he didn't turn to see two brows crease with worry and shame.

"We won't rush you," Ash heard at last. "But maybe when you're more comfortable...?" Noticing a twitching bush, Ash pelted after the movement, Pokeball in hand, and Pikachu hanging off the jacket hood. Due to the escapism attempt, Ash missed the mumbled apology from Iris and Cilan's readying of the group's dinner.

I may make a second chapter or so, this feels unfinished.


End file.
